I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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