I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I pour the whiskey from now on
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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