at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I understand Curling. That high.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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