I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
