i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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