I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
