These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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