I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
