dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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