You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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