I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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