it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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