Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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