i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize