The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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