you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
