soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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