She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
