the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
