If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
