I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
