You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
