lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
