I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
