im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
