I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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