i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
