i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
