I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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