I can text with my tongue
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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