I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
