why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
