my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
