i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
