There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize