if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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