I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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