whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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