I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
