Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
