I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
