sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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