i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
