he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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