i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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