I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize