i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
