i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
