kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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