The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just saw a hot homeless man
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
