Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
