I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
