We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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