I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
