i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
