I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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