Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
