i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
