I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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